Social Eating

I am finding it easier to control my portions when I'm by myself. but as soon as I get in a group my discipline goes down the toilet. For example, I set a goal this week to eat more vegetables (I eat quite a few now but wanted to eat more greens) and I did. I also am trying to not over eat.

Tonight I went to my friends house while our husbands watched the priesthood session of our church's general conference. We indulged in ice cream yummyness with hot fudge, peanut butter, chopped almonds, and reeses mini's. Oh and bananas. Yes it was good and I did enjoy it. Here is the problem and why I"m struggling to not beat myself up about it. I ate not only mine but the rest of my daughters and a lot, and I mean a lot of cinnamon bears. I find connection with people through food. I love connecting with people though eating good food and enjoying their company.

Here is another thing I want to work on. Connecting with people in other ways. Like through games, getting outside and being active. Making this change will also help me change my relationship with food. Instead of getting together with people for great food, why not connect with them in other ways?

I have set a goal for myself to be a comfortable, strong, sexy size 3 by our trip to California, May 25. It's possible. I'm afraid I won't achieve it. I AM TRYING and AM DOING MY BEST. I keep telling myself 1 indulgence, such as tonight, each week isn't going to undo all the healthier eating I did earlier this week.

I am practicing more self love this week through taking time to journal, listening to my cravings, drinking more water, exercising more, and talking positively to myself. I try to talk to myself as I would talk to my best friend or daughter. I would never tell my daughter or best friend the terrible things I say in my head. Things like, "Oh you totally messed up!" "You're such a failure!" "You can't do anything right!" "You didn't even stick to the food plan you set for yourself, what a failure. You will never reach your goal, you're not good enough!"

I'm trying to be better about saying things like: "So you had a little too much, try better next time to have better portion control. You can do this and You'll do better next time." "You're still an important person, just because you indulged doesn't mean you're any less of a person." "You do deserve to have the best things inside you." "You are worth the effort and deserve to feel good about yourself and to look good. If people judge you by the way you look they are probably jealous. Love them anyway."

I know I am still worth it and deserve the best. I deserve to look good and feel good all the time. Part of that feeling good is putting good things in my body and feeling good after I eat. Not overfull or stuffed. I do not feel good after doing that.

I am trying and know it will take time. Any change takes time. I now I am learning to listen to my body and respect it a divine creation. God blessed me with my amazing body and He also understands I am not perfect. He wants to teach me to love and respect my body. He wants me to feed it good things. I want to feed my body what it needs and to understand it's cravings better.

In school we are learning about cravings and what they mean. Craving sweets usually means craving sweet attention. So touch, love, affection, warm connection, fun, etc. Anything that means sweet or uplifting. I hope that makes sense lol. I am a naturally uplifting happy person and love connecting to people in that way.

The friend I met with tonight, her and I have always connected with food. So now I want to change that connection. In fact, all my friends we have always connected with food. I want to change that. I want to start connecting with my friends through other things: activities, outdoors, etc. Things other then food. I mean food is fun don't get me wrong....but I want to change the pattern. I think first I need to continue to change my relationship with food. I need to balance my primary foods: relationships, career, physical activity, and spirituality. This will help me to change my relationship with food from primary nourishment to secondary nourishment. I enjoy food and love the way I feel when well fed. However, I also love feeling connected and loved with others.